do you tend to over-correct?

Embracing the pendulum swing

Have you ever experienced making a mistake, and then tried to correct yourself by going to the opposite extreme?

Conscientious highly sensitive people tend to swing from one extreme to the other, especially when they think they’ve done something ‘wrong’. When we think we’ve made a mistake, we try to correct ourselves, but more often than not, it’s an over-correction. Classic example: the last ex really hurt you, or you had a parent that was hurtful, so you find someone who is the exact opposite of that person thinking that it would keep you safe, but you just end up experiencing hurt anyways.

So then it becomes a frustrating exercise of trying to find safety: seeking an answer in black and white, right or wrong, good or bad. When really, the truth is that it’s somewhere in the middle, and we have to learn to tolerate the tension of balancing opposites and swimming in the grey. Which takes a lot more work in the form of presence and mindfulness: it requires us to pay attention and not lapse into unconsciousness.

That said, there is wisdom in the extremes… Often we need to go from one end to the other in order to find our own true middle. This is a world of polarities, where opposites exist. Imagine that each end has its own pull, like a gravitational force. We’re drawn to the extreme to find out what it holds… and ideally, we take what works for us from each polarity. Then we weave it together in our own ways to find balance. Falling out of balance is part of that process.

It’s an art. We’re meant to feel it out.

So the next time you find yourself beating yourself up for a perceived over-correction, don’t! Acknowledge your nervous system trying to help you find safety, it’s just trying to keep you safe. But the wise one within you knows better. As you begin to build capacity, it becomes easier to tolerate the grey, and the grey is where possibilities live.

Trust that you’ll find your way back to your middle eventually.